Subscribing refills the ocean.
Tucker Carlson’s texts abandoned subtext.
Someone said the shootings can’t get worse.
Match Group left Russia, impoverishing countless catfish.
Independent generals promised to defend Sudan from lawless warlords.
England prepared to celebrate the last king.
The International Space Station needs a parking space by 2031.
Everything Else, Round 4
The competition’s hot, much like the planet. Round 3’s winner of an Everything Abridged paperback is one of Twitter’s last surviving users:
It is! Thank you. What was I talking about?
Ah well. As for this week’s definition:
To be clear: define “catfish” in a comment and be funnier than other people, and you win a book. I hear it’s a nice one.
I heard some nice advice from a stranger.
If a date brings a board game? Their favorite board game? Don’t steamroll them.
Again, from a stranger. I would never be that dumb. Or callous. Especially at the cafe two blocks from my classroom, on Saturday night. I’m what happens when you take Romeo and Lancelot and press blend.
But you should remember that. For yourself.
BBC featured a popular service that turns restaurant’s kitchen fumes into energy. I can’t speak for or against the hype: greenwashing is evergreen. But the concept has me transfixed.
That’s a fantastic restaurant review diss. “The fumes here could power the building for a decade.” You’d never hear the end of it. Dueling the critic would be the only way out.
It’s almost Mother’s Day! My favorite ads of the year. Religious holidays can’t compete with that weight class of guilt, and companies abandoned restraint decades before my time.
No other thoughts on the holiday.
I don’t have a doctor’s note for this one. But I think I went full-tilt crazy for two months in 2017. Right when Mom passed, an event I’ve written about a few thousand times.
Of course, I still needed food. I entered ad writing with a half-empty deck. I have a decent poker face, so it worked out. But more interviews should ask “how frequent and detailed are your nightmares? Can you tell if you’re in one now?” before your greatest strength and star sign.
It’s hardly a unique experience. Which makes me wonder: how many of the people I walk past, high-five, smile at, glare at, ignore, lampoon, praise, hit on, or stand beside every day are completely over the edge?
To be clear, I’m on solid mental ground these days. Don’t fret now, it makes you look like a procrastinator. My finances are much more troubling.
Good news! You can learn all about the time 4chan reactionaries made a Disney cover album. My 1-900-HOTDOG column makes the world a better place.
Too sane? Try the most influential abstinence tract by an unstable couple.
The Phantom of Hinge lets you win board games. In his dungeon, forever.
A moment of silence for the sweatshirts of the fallen.
Read Everything Abridged to begin the ritual.
Clarkesworld’s interview with me sounds like it came from someone smarter.
Expensive Evil comes back Friday. It’s about a museum, personal failure, rebuilding, and how I put pranks together.
A New Yorker bit comes out today, but I write these just far enough ahead of time to lack a link.
One Sentence Reviews
Demons and Wizards – Touched by the Crimson King: The power metal equivalent of mixed red wine and Diet Coke. (3.5/5)
Wargroove: Good fun tempered by a handful of baffling choices. (3/5)
Dio – Holy Diver (album): Sometimes you have to return to the source. (5/5)
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