Hollywood Speaks Out Against Imperiex the Destroyer, Slayer of Apes

If this isn't worth your soul, what is?

You’re a beautiful audience. Not as beautiful as me, or even my stunt double, but beautiful nonetheless. In a difficult time, beauty matters.

I’d love to focus on my success: I’ve dreamed of the Oscars since I was a child, and this Best Supporting Non-Android Actress award is the greatest honor of my career. It’s my chance to show every human boy and girl that they can make it in an android-dominated industry.

But tonight isn’t just about me. My work has granted me an immense platform, and I have a responsibility to use it. It’s my duty as a citizen of a democracy. And we’re still a democracy, even after the Fourth War. A democracy should serve all its citizens, not terrorize them.

It’s time that someone spoke out against Imperiex the Destroyer.

Like many of you, I once believed in Imperiex. He paid attention to the little guy, and his rhetoric about “wiping out the human stain” sounded like campaign trail bluster. Imperiex was far from the first politician to promise more than he intended to deliver, or exploit human-android tensions. At the time, sticking it to career politicians felt more important than a few base jokes about “purging the talking apes.”

I miscalculated. Imperiex’s promise to “End the human story, and begin a thousand years of android rule” seems to match his intentions. Despite railing against big government, he’s funneled billions into establishing the Department of Human Eradication. Instead of reaching across the aisle, he’s alienated human voters by creating the first all-android cabinet. His first executive order gave all humans twenty-four hours to flee the state department, and he’s replaced the White House homepage text with “The culling begins.”

I’m very concerned.

The told-you-so crowd enjoys pointing out that his title is, in fact, “The Destroyer.” That’s the smugness that got Imperiex elected in the first place. No one that voted for The Destroyer expected to be destroyed. We have a right to expect better from our representatives.

The only way forward is together. Imperiex may have an army of self-replicating androids, but we have art. And art is indestructible. Just like Imperiex’s army of self-replicating androids.

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