My next trick. Coming very soon.
Today’s Fortune Archive
As we all know, I’m a font of psychic faith and power. The stars speak to me, even when I’m […]
Love Letters from the MTA
Brought to you by this train’s dispatcher.
Thank You for Eating Tide Pods
I didn’t enjoy December. After my relationship and place of work ceased to exist, my mother followed suit. Three days […]
Headlines from 2020
Since the world happens to be on fire, I’ve put together a look forward at the ashes. I’m proud to present […]
I Don’t Take It Easy
Like any productive member of society, I do my laundry around 2:50 am. It used to be for the silence, […]
The App You Didn’t Ask For
For my latest trick, I’m proud to present Sambo, a freelance labor app with a crowd-pleasing twist. Please direct all letter bombs […]
More Ruthless Self-Promotion
While my fiction’s far and away the least popular feature on the site, there’s some news about it. I’m going […]
Steve Bannon’s Murder Shed
We pride ourselves on our journalistic rigor. Most of our content’s made up, but we stringently follow the Associated Press […]
Hollywood Speaks Out Against Imperiex the Destroyer, Slayer of Apes
You’re a beautiful audience. Not as beautiful as me, or even my stunt double, but beautiful nonetheless. In a difficult […]

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