I didn’t enjoy December. After my relationship and place of work ceased to exist, my mother followed suit. Three days […]
Tag: essay
A Suggestion for the New Management
Congratulations. Now that your victory lap is over, it’s time to consider what comes next. You have a proven fondness for aphorisms, […]
Blind Monkey Becomes a Psychic, Part One
You don’t need to join a cult if you’ve lost control of your life. Just read the stars. The horoscope’s […]
Blind Monkey Learns About Jesus
Fueled by two hours of sleep and a hangover straight from the nastier parts of Revelations, I decided I wanted […]
Charisma Is Not A Dump Stat
Honesty is a disability. The honest are at a terminal disadvantage in their careers, love lives, and ability to get […]
Happy Fourth, Everyone Gets A Free Drone Strike
The Fourth of July is about appreciating the healing power of jingoism. The term gets thrown around, but few Americans […]
Mute Monkey Mission Statement 2014: We’re All Fucking Fucked And It’s (Almost) Too Late To Run
Here’s the good news: Human beings are basically good. Here’s the bad news: Human beings are (almost) irrevocably fucked. Because […]
Abandon Ship
Besides the legion of manchildren that have rallied behind Lauren Faust under a banner of mass-persecution complex disguised as self-assuredness, […]
108 People Like This
Everyone has a fucking opinion. Ideally, they are entitled to it. In reality, eight out of ten people don’t have […]
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