Dear WrestleDome, Imagine me, last Wednesday, nursing a lethal hangover. I’m eating a Protein Brick on a stalled 2 train […]
Tag: humor
Today’s Fortune Archive
As we all know, I’m a font of psychic faith and power. The stars speak to me, even when I’m […]
Thank You for Eating Tide Pods
I didn’t enjoy December. After my relationship and place of work ceased to exist, my mother followed suit. Three days […]
I Don’t Take It Easy
Like any productive member of society, I do my laundry around 2:50 am. It used to be for the silence, […]
Hollywood Speaks Out Against Imperiex the Destroyer, Slayer of Apes
You’re a beautiful audience. Not as beautiful as me, or even my stunt double, but beautiful nonetheless. In a difficult […]
Sheepdog Journal
An uplifting story about police brutality and more police brutality. Written for my Twitter, before I deleted all my old […]
A Suggestion for the New Management
Congratulations. Now that your victory lap is over, it’s time to consider what comes next. You have a proven fondness for aphorisms, […]
Blind Monkey Finds God
The whole stupid journey started on a New Jersey highway. Driving in that state is a form of suicide, or […]
Blind Monkey Becomes a Psychic, Part Two
The sun had betrayed us all. It was 6 PM at Union Square, which counted as high noon in the […]
Blind Monkey Becomes a Psychic, Part One
You don’t need to join a cult if you’ve lost control of your life. Just read the stars. The horoscope’s […]
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