We pride ourselves on our journalistic rigor. Most of our content’s made up, but we stringently follow the Associated Press style guide.
It’s a competitive time for reporters. Anyone within twenty-five miles of the capitol can uncover a Watergate-level controversy during their morning walk. But we’ve discovered something special: a Twitter account by one of Steve Bannon’s many victims.
It’s plain to anyone with eyes that the former Chief Strategist looks like a serial killer. He has a face only Gorka could love. But only half of us thought he was actively tracking down new victims. This first-person account of human cruelty has the potential to become the fifteenth most explosive scandal faced by the Trump administration (as of press time).
Our team of semi-experts feel it’s best to let the victims statements stand for themselves.
If a man that looks like rotten ground beef offers you a free drink, don't take it.
— Bannon's Murder Shed (@AltMurderShed) August 22, 2017
I wish I'd been kidnapped and chained to a headless scarecrow by Scaramucci instead. He seems fun.
— Bannon's Murder Shed (@AltMurderShed) August 22, 2017
He's just pacing around the power tools, muttering about Jared Kushner. This might be the end.
— Bannon's Murder Shed (@AltMurderShed) August 22, 2017
More information will be released here as it comes. Stay safe.