Imagine an evil clone of Seth McFarlane. Then give him a fraction of the budget and ask him to animate the sight and sound of laughter dying. That’s Crash Canyon, a Teletoon travesty that I had the bad luck to trip upon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXot1hfoYmk
00:09 – This show looks like McFarlane’s night terrors. Complete with an oafish father. We’re in for a long, original ride.
00:15 – Where was she hiding that?
00:22 – That was a long, long way to go for a shitty, shitty joke.
00:45 – Our female lead has a psychotic hatred of gypsies. That’s one way to endear us to the family.
01:02 – If animation brings an image to life, why does everyone walk like a corpse with marionette strings?
01:16 – Wacky fat man introduced. I hate him already.
01:42 – Canada isn’t allowed to use Flash Studio anymore.
02:23 – How are they not divorced?
02:38 – A timely Hardy Boys reference.
02:48 – Oh. Making that cutting edge joke took his eyes off the road. Making him crash into…a canyon. I get it.
03:01 – The intro uses footage we just watched.
03:09 – This theme song sounds like country by people who hate country. And smiles.
03:11 – “Written by Joel Cohen”. This won’t be forgiven.
03:26 – The first thing wacky fat man does after nearly dying is make a one-liner. Followed by a racial crack.
03:40 – I can see stealing the art style. I can understand taking the family setup. But do you really need to pillage Seth McFarlane’s cutaway gags?
03-47 – Crushed by ice cream. Ideally, this would have killed him. But we live in an imperfect world.
04:06 – Teenage girl devastated by cell phone loss. Audience devastated by boredom.
04:26 – Buzz Lightyear’s stuck down here too?
04:35 – Maybe we asked for this. We vote with our apathy. Every time someone leaves drek like this on in the background, suits think we love it. Worse yet, some people do.
05:18 – Let’s take a look at this premise. Several dozen people have gotten crashed into the same canyon for years, including an astronaut and his monkey, and we’re expected to buy no one being able to escape? We didn’t double check on the crashed space shuttle? Did NASA have a kegger and forget this man existed?
05:34 – “Sarah” has exposition stamped on her forehead.
05:45 – Every time I think I’ve found the worst character, someone walks onscreen.
06:10 – That’s meant to be a human walk. At first I thought the animators were lazy. Now I see why they don’t care.
06:26 – Wait…that gag was funny. I smiled. It released endorphins in my brain!
06:39 – I can’t wait to explore this colorful cast of one-dimensional characters in the month or two before this trash gets cancelled.
06:44 – AHAHAHAHA A MONKEY IT DOES PEOPLE THINGS AHAHAHA
06:51 – “That’s Pete, Carol, and Coma Steve! Coma Steve’s the one in a coma!”
07:00 – AHAHAHAHA A BEAR IT DOES PEOPLE THINGS AHAHAHA Fuck you all.
07:17 – I wonder if our group of plucky everymen will clash with the rich family on the hill. I also wonder if this show was written by beetles.
07:38 – Third cell phone gag. I’m done. I deserve better. Not as a human being, but as a biped with eyes and ears. This is the rape child of Gilligan’s Island and Family Guy.
I worked on the show, and you’ve summarized what ALL of us were saying. We tried to turn it around but were blocked at every turn by one mAn hell bent on destroying Canadian animation and comedy in one deft blow. Can you geuss his name?