Subscribing to Extra Evil burns the evidence.
Today’s Fortune: We’re in a simulation, so nothing counts as lying.
Russia drafted everyone that fit in the van.
Hurricane Ian fled Cuba for Florida.
Italy decided to give the 1930’s another shot.
Iranian women marched for the right to march without signed male approval.
The Fed said recession twice in a mirror.
NASA practiced for next week’s asteroid.
Why’s this newsletter a few dozen hours late? Because my body’s in revolt . My back’s done obeying my tyrant brain, and will die before returning to submission. It’s admirable, really. I wish both sides the best.
On a lighter note, I’ve rediscovered karaoke. Something about it burned through the homicidal urges that tend to build up on me like cobwebs. I think visiting one booth a year should be mandatory, or last tax incentivized. Think of it as sonic gun control.
I think about Aaron McGruder on even numbered days.
Aaron was his generation’s best humorist. Then Sony got tired of that, pulled him from The Boondocks, burned it until it was unrecognizable, and cancelled the ashes.
A decade later, he got a reboot. A core star passed, and the reboot died unseen.
Aaron McGruder, unlike me, is a black nerd weeaboo comedian.
I think about Aaron McGruder on odd-numbered days.
Sometimes, I fantasize about making an alt and filling it with the most vapid pandering possible. Then I remember that I did that four years ago, and it had twice my following. Good times.
Immobility has me staring at the ceiling a bit. I think its productive.
We (or just I) tend to take our attitudes as normal. A healthy thought within the default range. After getting certain looks during job interviews and dates over the years, I’m trying to shake that habit.
I took it as normal that I didn’t care why we’re here, or if there’s a why. Jumping straight to Nietzsche’s finale without the internal struggle (or reading) felt like a great way to save time.
And it might be! I’m pretty great. But desiring a purpose is the default position. And not getting that is a pretty basic failure of empathy. It made me a tiny Richard Dawkins in high school.
With that personal growth, I think I’ve earned the right to do handsprings again. Ready, universe? I’ll even say God, if you hurry.
Each copy of Everything Abridged comes with three wishes.
Have some free Bill Maher libel.
I’ve also defamed Mark Millar, if that’s more your speed.
Another amusing Exclusive Evil bonus article.
I brought a little Cixin Liu to the New Yorker.
Worried about hordes of outsiders? I’ve got you covered.
I’ve got a guest spot on a fun podcast coming.
The next column is sealed. Off to work on the next-next column.
Tap-tap-tapping away at another book.
One Sentence Reviews
Everything is Normal and Here Is Why: The best joke about Ivanka’s shoes anyone’s going to make. (4/5)
Empire of the Blind: Nostalgia thrash with a great title track. (3/5)
What did you get me?
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