Last Week at MWT HQ

Dennard “Blind Monkey” Dayle sits at the head of a table in a dingy apartment in Rutherford, New Jersey. Sam “Mute Monkey” Lagow and Josh “Deaf Monkey” Crawford sit on his flanks, staring blankly ahead. A crude version of the MWT logo has been carved onto the wooden table with a plastic butter knife.

Blind Monkey: I’m spending a week in Jamaica for a funeral. I need you two to hold down the fort with fresh updates. Can I trust you to do that?

Deaf Monkey: I like paint!

Mute Monkey: I’m out of stuff. Do you think I can smoke detergent?

BM: Guys, I need you to focus. Can you keep the site running while I’m gone? Or do I need to hire actual monkeys?

MM: Who keeps peeing in my bed? It happens every morning. They also put an empty flask in my hand.

DM: I want nappy time!

BM: I’m going to dangle these keys. Focus on them.

DM: Yay! Shineys!

MM: Do you have to dangle them so loudly? This hangover could kill an elephant.

BM: I’m leaving for one week. Can you write two articles? That’s one each. Easy right?

DM: Which number is one again?

MM: It’s the one your Mom uses when she does kissing stuff. Suck on that.

BM: This isn’t difficult. I’m asking for a quarter of the output from two thirds of the organization.

DM: Why would you switch to harder numbers?

BM: Fine. My fault, whatever. Just help me.

MM: Sure. If by help you, you meant smoke weed.

DM: I can fit a whole quarter up my nose!

BM: If I come back and there’s nothing here, they will never find your bodies.

MM: Hey DM, the black guy’s looking all pissed off again. You’re on human shield duty.

DM: Nap time.

BM: If you go to sleep before writing something, you’re not waking up.

MM: You can’t threaten us! We have rights…don’t we? I didn’t really read the fine print when I signed on.

BM: I’m docking your pay.

MM: You don’t pay us.

BM: Well played.

Like all MWT meetings, official business quickly gives way to pop culture riffs, vodka, and personal attacks on Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry is a shameless reactionary hack and anyone that’s ever given him a dime should feel deep shame.

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