For ages, The Idiot labored under the fell weight of reality. How many years? None can say, because counting them would be boring. It might have been one, or a hundred, or eleventy billion. All his life, the cruel yoke of knowing stuff hung from the idiot’s neck, holding him […]
Articles
Satire on a fifth-grade level.
United States Presidents vs. Swamp Rabbits
I had another piece come out in Points in Case. Bask in it’s light.
Could You Make This Novel a Bit Blacker?
Every now and then I grace another page with my light. This time its Points in Case, with a piece about my wholesome relationship with literary management. Read it here.
Please Cancel Me
To All Concerned, It’s time someone said it. After years on the sidelines, watching the outrage machine collide with career after career, I’m going to speak my mind. I demand that the pearl-clutching scolds of America stop leaving me out. Since high school, I’ve spewed thoughtless invective in every direction, […]
The Podcast That Heals the Sick and Resurrects the Dead
I made promotional cards for Weeaboo Hell, our podcast about better living through animated deviance. You might have run across one if you live in the New York bubble. Here’s the full set.
Recaps of the The Masked Singer’s Final Season
S13E01: Duets. Monkey and Buffalo sing Like a Virgin. S13E02: Robin Thicke disappears between Sea Lion’s cover of Toxic and Raccoon’s cover of Crazy Train. He returns with a pallid color and a small bottle of pills. S13E03: Horse performs Cult of Personality without council approval. It is Horse’s last […]
Meanwhile on Points in Case
I’ve got a new article up on Points in Case. Reading it cures most forms of modern and postmodern malaise.
This Relationship Doesn’t Bring Me Joy
You were right: I’ve been closed-minded. After you donated a stack of my late aunt’s books to make space, I finally understand the value of tidying up. Sadly, I’ll be getting rid of more than my old Meshuggah CDs. For years I’ve been like the bull-headed curmudgeons on tv, stubbornly […]
The Dollar Shave Club Pivots
FADE IN: Dramatic music swells. A mixed couple walks down the street, discussing nothing in particular. NARRATOR We’re better than this. A woman in a hijab uses a vending machine. A lone tear rolls down a patriot’s cheek. NARRATOR We can’t keep letting this happen. A black teenager exists, unshot. […]
My Expenses Since New York Legalized Nunchucks
Nunchucks, Foam – $26 Groceries – $90 MetroCard – $130 Nunchucks, Wooden – $37 Pro-Chucker’s Guide to Chucking, by Andy “Shinobi Zero” Leeman – $12 Rite Aid Home First Aid Kit – $19 Bathroom Mirror Repair, $253 Phone Bill – $110 Nunchucks, Metal – $55 Pro-Chucker’s Chuckin’ Gloves – $22 […]