Today’s Fortune: Never leave for tomorrow what you can ignore forever.
Trump punchline #412324 not found.
Navy Seals practiced war crimes on younger Navy Seals.
Rikers guards may lack empathy.
NASA’s heading back for Buzz Aldrin’s keys.
BYU brought Xbox Live to a volleyball game.
In India, you can take an Uber to Mars for about five dollars. The catch is you might get into a high-speed fender bender, like my driver did last week.
It had to happen eventually. The drivers in Kolkata are in a race to get to heaven. It was also Friday night, so my driver might have been as plastered as I was. The five furious men that piled out of the other car were sober, and furious about it.
I thought I was a decent person. But the moment a second opponent appeared, the driver was on his own. Customers aren’t automatically drafted to your fistfighting team.
Thankfully, it worked out peacefully. I took the same ride to the same mosh pit the next night.
Here’s how you own yourself. You can beat that jobber in one move.
The point of my five-hour layover was attending a friend’s wedding. And it was fantastic. My autobiography is better for the experience.
At the peak of the ceremony, I thought “This is an amazing first Indian wedding.”
Then my heathen, traitor brain said “Second,” before replaying my month-long green card misadventure.
I might join a martial arts tournament. If I can do that to myself, what would I do to other people?
I don’t feel like describing the entire customer service ordeal yet, but YouTube can eat glass.
I had some fun at Lovecraft’s expense at my 1-900-HOTDOG column.
It’s time to knuckle down, get serious, and read Everything Abridged .
A spin on this made it into my book.
Working on something best described as an expansion pack. You’ll like it.
I still have another approved New Yorker piece waiting in the chamber. Unless it went out while I wasn’t paying attention, which is entirely possible and in-character.
Submitted Mysterious Project X to a few places, we’ll see.
One Sentence Reviews
Raging Fire: A half hour rocket strapped to an hour of filler. (3.5/5)
You Only Live Twice: A fever dream. (Ninjas/What?)
Air India: I was wrong about it being better than Spirit. (1/5)
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