Today’s Fortune: Only you can save us now.
Southwest Airlines earned this month’s hara-kiri joke.
AI priests and prophets entered beta.
NYU Langone sorted patients by caste.
Teen detectives pulled a rubber mask off George Santos.
The Supreme Court jumped right of Neil Gorsuch.
Webb images will soon change our understanding of desktop backgrounds forever.
There’s a long, straight, parkside stretch of road near my apartment. Runners love it. Cyclists love it. Drag racers love it.
All fun traits individually. Together? The headlines might not be inspiring. It’s a good place for a jaywalker to meet God.
Hopefully it’s not me. It really is a nice run.
I used to spam prayers to the effect of “I wish it would snow every Christmas.” If there’s anything listening, this frozen coastline’s all my fault. Sorry.
Called shot: we’re getting a melodramatic cover of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” in a movie trailer before 2025.
Maybe I’ll try a resolution this time.
From the bleachers, I’ve watched the sleepless project output and steroid intake of the Rock. like most civilians, I’ve been impressed.
And I’ve wondered: what would it be like to try that hard? To lift me-sized objects for hours. To listen to Kevin Hart screech for hours at a time. To stare into a camera, and call Black Adam a success.
And my inner hero says “Fuck that.”
But why not a quarter?
Twenty-five percent of the multi-tasking. Twenty-five percent of the exercise. Twenty-five percent of the toil in the infinite black mine of media.
I call it the 1/4 Rock Plan. I’m committed, and I’m giving it one hundred percent. Divided by four.
Here’s a countdown of my best five 1-900-HOTDOG volleys.
This year may have lessons, but I didn’t learn them.
It was an honor to get to throw Everything Abridged into the world this year. I think there’s something special in there. I hope you read it and agree.
New Exclusive Evil bonus article on January 2nd. Start things off on the right note.
I think I’ve left Eric in peace for a little too long.
The draft is good and weird.
One Sentence Reviews
Inside Job – Season 2: The failson of an entire satirical mode. (1.5/5)
Cyberpunk: Edgerunners: You know, if you like modern renditions of classic Cyberpunk, I know an interesting book. (4/5)
Jessi Klein – I Would Like to Get Married Before I Get Herpes: Time will reduce us all to cliches and ash. (2.5/5)
Lucian – The True History: The judgemental grandfather of an entire satirical mode. (4.5/5)
Best Exclusive Evil of 2022?
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