Lookee, Politics!

I’m supposed to do something funny with this. After all, this site is about ten percent politics (twenty in an election year, five during San Diego Comic-Con). As head writer, I’m supposed to either make a zany parody of the current circus tent fire or force one of the other two monkeys to do it. But every time I set pen to paper, all that comes out is incoherent rage.

Once I get past my ego, I’m only a proven expert in three things. According to my shiny degree, the first is “English: Arts and Media Track.” According to how I actually spent my years at Princeton, the second and third are drinking and spinning on my head. With this paper thin resume, I’m still better suited to sit in the halls of power than any member of the Tea Party. The fact that anyone in this country still regards them with more legitimate respect than the average drug-addled vagrant is a modern miracle.

Most bloggers/comedians/ pundits/whoeverthefuck will throw in a quick aside about this situation being both parties’ fault. These writers are either spineless, stupid, or both. Balanced coverage doesn’t mean plugging your nose when one faction voids themselves. This situation is a direct result of the Tea Party’s refusal to accept the basics of our legal system, Macroeconomics 101, or reality. Spare me the “Obama apologist” email. Go back two months in this site’s archive and you’ll find me throwing ideological knives at his photo.

I’m well aware that this isn’t the first government shutdown in recent history. It hasn’t even been twenty years since the last time hardline conservatives shot themselves in the foot and the country in the teeth. I am, however, completely mystified by people using a history of playing chicken with country at large as a defense of doing it at the worst possible time. It’s alien to me. I’d have better luck understanding a Quantum Physics textbook in Swahili.

Whether you agree or disagree with the Affordable Health Care Act, it should be obvious that no issue short of oversight-free gulags (which exist) should be worth risking a default. Even teasing at a default as a feint should be rewarded with banishment from any political rank higher than Mayoral Office janitor. But we’re two days away from the default becoming a reality because Boehner & Friends can’t stop deep throating the Tea Party long enough to make the sane choice.

This is the shortest column I’ve done in months, and the most stressful. It’s given me a migraine that feels like a sniper got lucky. I’m going to shuffle back to Superman jokes for at least a week and hope that things return to the usual, survivable levels of insanity I’m accustomed to.

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