Two years. I just needed two years off to finish my second tour of academia and reduce my drinking to three days a week. With that short break, I could […]
Tag: rant
Delete Your Blog
Five years ago, my father told me to give up. In the near future, everyone would be qualified as a writer because everyone would have a voice. As the world […]
I Never Knew Upworthy Caused Syphilis Until I Saw This Video
A simple rule of thumb: no social problem can be solved by reliketweettumbling anything. At all. Not even a little. However, you can make clever men famous and amoral men […]
Mute Monkey Mission Statement 2014: We’re All Fucking Fucked And It’s (Almost) Too Late To Run
Here’s the good news: Human beings are basically good. Here’s the bad news: Human beings are (almost) irrevocably fucked. Because from where I’m standing, we’ve got too many really big […]
Blind Monkey Mission Statement 2014: Well-Maladjusted
Hello, America. At least, I assume you’re American. My semi-reliable traffic robot says that the vast majority of my readers are fellow worshippers of corn syrup and random drone strikes. […]
Ideating Buzzwords for Your Personal Brand Until I Reposition You Off a Cliff
Some people have a bone to pick with the diffusion of social networking terms into daily language. It’s the old “Facebook is not a verb” line. That’s a reasonable reaction, […]
Five Asinine Buzzfeed Non-Articles
Do you know an idiot? Are you on a social network? Then you’re aware of Buzzfeed, the current first seed in the link bait Olympics. Buzzfeed combines the worst traits […]
Lookee, Politics!
I’m supposed to do something funny with this. After all, this site is about ten percent politics (twenty in an election year, five during San Diego Comic-Con). As head writer, […]
SUMMER 2013′S BEST NEWS TRAIN WRECK: DEAF MONKEY’S PICK
We’ve each selected our favorite media shitstorm of the summer. There were far too many qualified candidates. -BM This isn’t an article in defense of Miley Cyrus. She’s been a […]
108 People Like This
Everyone has a fucking opinion. Ideally, they are entitled to it. In reality, eight out of ten people don’t have a goddamn clue what it is they’re talking about either […]