Rejoice! For I, your anonymous prophet, shall now outline for you the five tenets of Millenialism. It is the will of the Self that these tenets be presented in easily-digestible […]
Author: Mute Monkey
The Text, Part 1
“We are the middle children of history. Born too late to explore the world, born to early to explore the galaxy.” -Anonymous “Born just in time to browse dank memes.” […]
Drinks 8
A pleasant summer evening at Snark Is The Night. It’s livelier tonight than it’s been in a while; a new karaoke machine is at the back of the bar, and […]
Mute Monkey’s Worst Ideas
I’m no genius. Just a guy who enjoys the use of false modesty. So, as a gesture of humility, I’ve decided to compile a list of truly awful ideas that […]
At the Movies – Captain America: The Winter Soldier
(Blind Monkey and Mute Monkey are switching series this month. Happy April Fools Day, or something like it.) The ongoing adventures of the last three twenty-year-olds on Earth paying for […]
Drinks 6
KENT plays a game involving ice cubes and sugar packets while leaning against his side of the bar, alone. He looks over at the tip jar to find it reasonably […]
Mute Monkey Mission Statement 2014: We’re All Fucking Fucked And It’s (Almost) Too Late To Run
Here’s the good news: Human beings are basically good. Here’s the bad news: Human beings are (almost) irrevocably fucked. Because from where I’m standing, we’ve got too many really big […]
Abandon Ship
Besides the legion of manchildren that have rallied behind Lauren Faust under a banner of mass-persecution complex disguised as self-assuredness, nothing about the human experience is more vexing, in my […]
Drinks 5: November First
The cold light of day hits the apartment of TERRY KEANE, who lies face down in a bowl of ice at the kitchen table, barely conscious and making a noise […]
Drinks 4
Dead calm at Snark Is The Night; its four most infamous patrons have not yet arrived. KENT, alone save a few lonely art students having drunk themselves into a stupor […]