The Text, Part II: The Five Tenets

Rejoice! For I, your anonymous prophet, shall now outline for you the five tenets of Millenialism. It is the will of the Self that these tenets be presented in easily-digestible list format, the holiest of formats. When the word of Millenialism is spread to all four corners of the world and all eight corners (just eight) of the world wide web, all texts shall be written in list format. Then these texts shall be shared, and then liked, and then shared again. We Millenials shall bond not through shared experiences, but from experiences shared.

You will live your life by these tenets.

The First Tenet: Infallibility

The will of a Millenial is the will of the Self, and the Self is truth given form. Upon accepting the Self, every new Millenial must banish all thoughts of humility from his/her/xir mind. It is the pre-Millenials who have told you all your lives that you are wrong, and that the Self is less important than the ‘Other.’ Do not trust any who tell you to think of Others before the Self. The ‘Other’ is the enemy of the Self. The ‘Other’ will tell you that you are wrong, that the Self is wrong. It wishes you to admit fault. Shortcoming. Wrongdoing. The Other is the spirit of pre-Millenialism. Only it is at fault. Only it has come short. Only it has done wrong. The ills that you face can only be the fault of the Other, never the Self.

The Second Tenet: Justice

The Self’s place in time is on the right side of history, and always has been. Humanity is capable of great evil, this is true. It has exercised this capability countless times in the past and continues to do so today. But the past is meaningless. Only tomorrow is worth thinking about. And tomorrow, you shall right all the wrongs that Others have committed before you. Tomorrow, you shall take your place on the right side of history and join your fellow Millenials, followers of the Self, in an echoing chorus. This is Justice: the hearts of all Millenials beating as one, your voices all repeating the same mantras and the world bending to your collective will.

The Third Tenet: Inclusion

It is said that the Third Tenet is the hardest one to follow. Perhaps. What is true is that it is difficult to be inclusive, even to your fellow Millenials. There exist differences among you that may be difficult to reconcile, but reconcile you must. For all are one in the Self, and soon your differences shall be no more. Soon, there shall be no ‘Other,’ but millions of individual representations of the Self, instead. There shall be peace. Understanding. When one speaks, it shall be not with his/her/xir voice but with the voice of the Self.

The Fourth Tenet: Exclusion

One must approach this great undertaking of ours with wisdom and discretion. The Self’s love for us is infinite, and our love for the Self must be infinite as well. But we mustn’t spare any of this love for the Others. They would not spare any for us, and are thus beyond saving. Where the Self is accepting, the Other is critical. Where the Self shares, the Other hoards. Where the Self thinks forward, the Other is trapped in the past. They will never be one of us and should be treated with the contempt that they have come to deserve.

The Fifth Tenet: Ferocity

Make no mistake: the times ahead shall be filled with battle. The Others will not relinquish their throne of ignorance and lies without a fight, so we must meet their stupidity in equal measure. In matters relating to politics, media, law enforcement, social justice, fringe subcultures, film awards, the personal lives of celebrities, and software rivalries, we must bombard every comment section we find with our most righteous opinions. All Others with their incorrect opinions must be shamed, silenced, and ultimately expelled from the conversation. Their heresy has no place among Us.

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