As an American black male, I have the life expectancy of a fruit fly. Unless I have the good fortune to spend a few decades in prison. So you can […]
Mission Statement 2012
Everything is a joke. Modern life gives us three real choices. All of them require going insane. These choices are laughter, mediocrity, and axe murder. Let’s look at our options. […]
How To Come Back From The Dead
So you’ve died. It’s unfortunate, but it happens to all of us. But not all of us make it back to the other side. If you’re anything like me, you […]
Angry Day
Right now, Febuary 14 is a celebration of love and a dead priest. In the interest of keeping the scales balanced, I’d like to offer an alternative holiday. A day […]
The Chris Dodd Show
MPAA Chairman CHRIS DODD lounges on a sedan chair held by four handmaidens. A book called “The Scrooge McDuck Guide to Life” rests in his lap. A young studio EXECUTIVE […]
At the Movies
Alan, Byron, and Cammy stand at the end of a line in the snow. Alan looks pissed off, Byron looks cold, and Cammy looks tipsy. A: Why are we here? […]
Four Sentences to Avoid in Mad Science
Take a look at this scenario: This man’s life used to be in order. Now he’s making an army of giant radioactive jungle fauna. Within moments, a protagonist will be […]
Five Top Five of 2011 Lists
Five Worst Songs “Moves like Jagger” by Maroon 5 – Maroon 5 somehow found a way to get worse. I have a habit of comparing bad pop music to venereal […]
Youtube’s Guide to Constructive Feedback
As a freshman, I made this Nostalgia Critic ripoff. It was fashionable at the time. The video has a long laundry list of problems. The topic is dull, the audio […]