This piece of mine ran in Tiger Magazine‘s Daily Princetonian parody. In spite of the pressure of a daily news cycle, absolutely nothing worth commenting upon occurred in Princeton University […]
Articles
Satire on a fifth-grade level.
Deaf Monkey Mission Statement 2013
I don’t really know where my head will be at writingwise for the next however long (a year I’m guessing?), so I’m just going to throw out a few general […]
Mute Monkey Mission Statement 2013
About two weeks ago, I was on the verge of calling it quits and devoting my life to the sole pursuit of ruining everyone else’s. Either that, or killing myself […]
Blind Monkey Mission Statement 2013
What’s contemporary culture’s most vapid catchphrase? It’s a competitive position with entries from every medium. Television’s a classic source. Almost every sitcom qualifies by giving its most annoying character something […]
The Princeton Admission Letter
You’re going to Princeton. You’ll spend a few weeks pretending to juggle your nonexistent options, but everything has already been set in motion. Thanks to our media stranglehold, your parents […]
Everyone is Wrong
Hoo boy. Since I like being in way over my head, today I’m going to tackle (more like bump into its burly shins and get knocked out) the idea of […]
The Life and Times of a CIA Assassin
INT DIMLY LIT ROOM A HOODED MAN is tied to a chair. OPERATIVE A holds a gun to his temple, while OPERATIVE B paces behind him. OPERATIVE A End of […]
Ask Doctor Maximus: Round Four
Doctor Maximus is a part time advice columnist and full time supervillain. In this column, he answers questions from the masses instead of terrorizing them. Mostly. Dear Doctor Maximus, I’m […]
Genrefuck: Reconstruction
The term “Reconstruction” is a bit tricky to define at times. Whereas a deconstruction is when a trope or genre is brought into the harsh light of reality, a reconstruction […]
The Horror, The Horror: A Cursory Glance at the Pratfalls of Modern Horror Video Games
Yet another idea pulled from me putting off writing articles (I’m consistently inconsistent, it seems). As absolutely none of you know, I am a survival horror/general horror video game enthusiast. […]