On May 19, comedy died. Two passing vagrants found the emaciated corpse of comedy in a ditch in North Las Vegas. The body had a single self-inflicted gunshot wound to […]
Articles
Satire on a fifth-grade level.
Nothing Happened
This piece of mine ran in Tiger Magazine‘s Daily Princetonian parody. In spite of the pressure of a daily news cycle, absolutely nothing worth commenting upon occurred in Princeton University […]
Deaf Monkey Mission Statement 2013
I don’t really know where my head will be at writingwise for the next however long (a year I’m guessing?), so I’m just going to throw out a few general […]
Mute Monkey Mission Statement 2013
About two weeks ago, I was on the verge of calling it quits and devoting my life to the sole pursuit of ruining everyone else’s. Either that, or killing myself […]
Blind Monkey Mission Statement 2013
What’s contemporary culture’s most vapid catchphrase? It’s a competitive position with entries from every medium. Television’s a classic source. Almost every sitcom qualifies by giving its most annoying character something […]
The Princeton Admission Letter
You’re going to Princeton. You’ll spend a few weeks pretending to juggle your nonexistent options, but everything has already been set in motion. Thanks to our media stranglehold, your parents […]
Everyone is Wrong
Hoo boy. Since I like being in way over my head, today I’m going to tackle (more like bump into its burly shins and get knocked out) the idea of […]
The Life and Times of a CIA Assassin
INT DIMLY LIT ROOM A HOODED MAN is tied to a chair. OPERATIVE A holds a gun to his temple, while OPERATIVE B paces behind him. OPERATIVE A End of […]
Ask Doctor Maximus: Round Four
Doctor Maximus is a part time advice columnist and full time supervillain. In this column, he answers questions from the masses instead of terrorizing them. Mostly. Dear Doctor Maximus, I’m […]
Genrefuck: Reconstruction
The term “Reconstruction” is a bit tricky to define at times. Whereas a deconstruction is when a trope or genre is brought into the harsh light of reality, a reconstruction […]