Good evening. Instead of likening Republicans to supervillains (who says they even need likening? Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk) or writing thin holocaust parables, I’d like to announce my new […]
Articles
Satire on a fifth-grade level.
On Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry runs the most popular minstrel show in the history of the world. If James Cameron directed a 4D movie called Niggaquest about a boy in blackface stealing cars […]
Official Monkeys With Typewriters Presidential Endorsements
The Blind Monkey Endorsement Ideals and reality rarely converge. The American ideal is one of egalitarianism, justice, and prosperity. The current reality consists of deep fried oreos and semi-random drone […]
Meanwhile at Princeton
Meanwhile, at the library Jenna: You ever wonder if- Peter: Nope. We’ve got five more chapters to run through, followed by two papers and a problem set. I don’t wonder […]
Target of the Week: Horatio Alger
Mocking a dead man is the ultimate form of kicking someone while they’re down. Luckily, I don’t have anything resembling a sense of honor. As far as I’m concerned, throwing […]
Ask Doctor Maximus: Round Three
The mad scientist returns to dispense advice to the unwashed masses. Dear Doctor Maximus, Every year, my family gets together at the local park just to spend three hours screaming […]
Ask Doctor Maximus: Back to School Edition
How do I talk to girls at parties? I’d like to meet someone nice. And use them for sex, but I assume that’s obvious. -Pietro Parker I’d recommend breeding a […]
2177 Channel Guide
Congratulations on choosing HyperTV for your 5D viewing needs! With six thousand channels in forty real languages and eight imaginary ones, we guarantee that you won’t regret your choice. Here […]
Ask Doctor Maximus
I think that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. How should I confront him? -Lila This problem, like most others in life, can be solved with a freeze ray. […]
Five Reasons You Should Join A Cult
Some of you are going through a rough patch. The symptoms are varied. They could be unemployment, madness, a hangnail, or an addiction to bath salts. Yet the key factor […]