KENT plays a game involving ice cubes and sugar packets while leaning against his side of the bar, alone. He looks over at the tip jar to find it reasonably […]
I Never Knew Upworthy Caused Syphilis Until I Saw This Video
A simple rule of thumb: no social problem can be solved by reliketweettumbling anything. At all. Not even a little. However, you can make clever men famous and amoral men […]
Mute Monkey Mission Statement 2014: We’re All Fucking Fucked And It’s (Almost) Too Late To Run
Here’s the good news: Human beings are basically good. Here’s the bad news: Human beings are (almost) irrevocably fucked. Because from where I’m standing, we’ve got too many really big […]
Blind Monkey Mission Statement 2014: Well-Maladjusted
Hello, America. At least, I assume you’re American. My semi-reliable traffic robot says that the vast majority of my readers are fellow worshippers of corn syrup and random drone strikes. […]
Injustice For All, Part Fifteen
We built this town on Photoshop parodies.
Ideating Buzzwords for Your Personal Brand Until I Reposition You Off a Cliff
Some people have a bone to pick with the diffusion of social networking terms into daily language. It’s the old “Facebook is not a verb” line. That’s a reasonable reaction, […]
Ire Month
December. When the country joins hands for a ritual love-in that is promptly forgotten in January. Television is at its most saccharine, news stories are at their most irrelevant, and […]
Abandon Ship
Besides the legion of manchildren that have rallied behind Lauren Faust under a banner of mass-persecution complex disguised as self-assuredness, nothing about the human experience is more vexing, in my […]
Injustice For All, Part Fourteen
Photoshop parodies cure gout. It’s a fact.
Five Asinine Buzzfeed Non-Articles
Do you know an idiot? Are you on a social network? Then you’re aware of Buzzfeed, the current first seed in the link bait Olympics. Buzzfeed combines the worst traits […]