Honesty is a disability. The honest are at a terminal disadvantage in their careers, love lives, and ability to get away with high-profile crimes. We all feel the urge to […]
Tag: satire
Blind Monkey Mission Statement 2015
Two men sign on for firing squad duty, because they need the hours and all the plum warehouse jobs have been plucked. They arrive half an hour late, which is […]
Flaying Detainees Alive Was A National Security Necessity
From the desk of Agent Redacted, Armchair generals are quick to pass judgment on the CIA for flaying prisoners. These bleeding hearts (figuratively, unlike facility six detainees) have no grasp […]
MWT’S Fall 2014 Catalog
We’re halfway through Injustice: Year One. Time for a commercial break.
Delete Your Blog
Five years ago, my father told me to give up. In the near future, everyone would be qualified as a writer because everyone would have a voice. As the world […]
Happy Fourth, Everyone Gets A Free Drone Strike
The Fourth of July is about appreciating the healing power of jingoism. The term gets thrown around, but few Americans understand jingoism’s cultural importance. In their defense, this is because […]
Drinks 7: Chaser
(Blind Monkey and Mute Monkey are switching series this month. Happy April Fools Day, or something like it.) Kent stands alone behind the bar, humming an up-tempo showtune. He writes […]
I Never Knew Upworthy Caused Syphilis Until I Saw This Video
A simple rule of thumb: no social problem can be solved by reliketweettumbling anything. At all. Not even a little. However, you can make clever men famous and amoral men […]
Mute Monkey Mission Statement 2014: We’re All Fucking Fucked And It’s (Almost) Too Late To Run
Here’s the good news: Human beings are basically good. Here’s the bad news: Human beings are (almost) irrevocably fucked. Because from where I’m standing, we’ve got too many really big […]
Blind Monkey Mission Statement 2014: Well-Maladjusted
Hello, America. At least, I assume you’re American. My semi-reliable traffic robot says that the vast majority of my readers are fellow worshippers of corn syrup and random drone strikes. […]