10) The Rumor: This artist opens half the other lists, but you can’t find them anywhere else. You’d think it was a prank, but none of these people have met. […]
Articles
Satire on a fifth-grade level.
A Comprehensive List of When You Can Say Nigga
You’re a professional movie critic. You draw the short straw and spend Friday night watching Tyler Perry’s latest failure. As Madea shimmies to Gucci Gang one year too late, you […]
Why Do Journalists Keep Jumping onto My Trench Knife?
It seemed like a coincidence at first. I’d just finished cleaning my favorite carbon steel trench knife on the walk home from work. The job’s stressful, and cleaning my knives […]
Please Install Our App
We’re glad you’re enjoying our website. We worked pretty hard on it. You know what we worked harder on? The app. Please install it. It has all of the site’s […]
A Foolproof Solution for Climate Change
The United Nations has politely reminded us of the impending collapse of civilization. Rough news. There’s no easy way to tell everyone they’re going to die, so I admire them […]
My Dungeons and Dragons Character Class Exonerates Me
I stand accused of burning down the 23rd St. Shake Shack on August 23, 2013. I do not dispute that the arson occurred. The ashen husk of the burger franchise […]
The Perfect Birthday Gift.
Another birthday. I could tell you about all my personal growth, if I was a liar. I hold myself to a higher standard. Over the last year, I have learned […]
We Can’t Judge Brett Kavanaugh by the Arsons of His Youth
I’ll be the first to admit that blocking Merrick Garland’s nomination was a disgrace. American discourse may never recover from the descent of Supreme Court nominations into partisan politics. That […]
The Next Fifty Mass Shootings
1. A disaffected teenage gamer is one of twenty-three pedestrians gunned down by an enthusiastic white nationalist. 2. A derivative retread of Sandy Hook. 3. A good guy with a […]
Hollywood Jim
Dear WrestleDome, Imagine me, last Wednesday, nursing a lethal hangover. I’m eating a Protein Brick on a stalled 2 train when I notice Hollywood Jim standing two passengers away from […]